Creating this new blog, this fresh start, took place almost instantly after the prompt to do so was laid on my heart. That’s just how the Holy Spirit works; he prompts, and then he guides.
And it was a total Holy Spirit prompt.
I sat down to journal, something I do every morning, with my hot cup of coffee on one side of my notebook, and my bible on the other. I prayed for direction, clarification, and understanding… something I’m always after, in my meetings with Jesus… and when I picked up my pen, the first thing I wrote was “I think it might be time to journey on from Third Day Hair.”
I didn’t even know I was considering it until I wrote it. The Holy Spirit likes to do that, too; move my pen in unison with His thoughts over my own.
But there it sat, on the crisp white paper, staring back at me. The thought I didn’t even know I would think. I immediately felt a sense of fear and denial; I worked for three hard years building that little space of internet into what it is today. Not exactly impressive by industry standards, perhaps, but mine none the less. So much work, so much money, so much time was poured into that blog…how could I abandon it? How could I leave it behind? How could I just start over?
How could I not?
When I was struggling with my addiction to a lifestyle that involved big glasses of wine much of the time, I knew that the only way I would overcome it was to pray and believe that the Holy Spirit would guide me when I felt lost, overwhelmed, or unsure of my ability to say no. I didn’t pray that I wouldn’t drink. That’s the easy part; just don’t physically pour a glass of wine and drink it. No, my prayer was more long term with greater sustenance; I prayed to not want to drink.
I needed my heart to change more than I needed my habits to change.
And so it was with this. This prompt that came from somewhere inside of me was going to need backup. Given my own human understanding, I couldn’t reason leaving the “numbers” behind. Numbers on bloglovin’, numbers on my Facebook page, numbers on my email list…numbers that indicated that I was somebody who knew something.
A new website means starting from ground level. It means not having the numbers. It means, during this transitional stage, God might be the only one reading what I write. While the #goodChristian inside of me is saying “that’s great, live for God alone” the core of my person-ness is saying “what’s the point of writing then?” (Galatians 1:10)
I told you I’d be brutally honest when I shared my story with you. Those truly were my conflicting thoughts and emotions happening within the first 60 seconds of writing the phrase that would birth this post.
The thing about the Holy Spirit, as with my battle against alcohol, is that He doesn’t just give you a new idea to love. He helps you say fare thee well to the old. It wasn’t more than a few minutes of tug-of-war with my spirit until I was totally on board and ready to turn the page; ready to leave Third Day Hair in the last chapter. #peaceoutTDH
Being baptized means washing away the past, dying to your former life, and emerging a new creation. Not an altered creation. Not a refurbished creation. Not a better, cleaner, wetter creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)…
You become a brand new being!
Yet I had fought and fumbled, trying to constantly redesign what didn’t work, on TDH, without losing what did. I longed to change the direction without confusing my readers. I tried to satisfy both worlds, for a while, the former with the present. But the two could not co-exist. The former was gone. There was no passion there, no inspiration, no energy. My heart, my soul, my everything yearned for just one thing: Jesus.
Instead of admitting defeat and calling a spade by it’s name, I stepped away from blogging altogether. I did it in the name of writing my book. I did it under the mask of limited time. But the truth of the matter was, I did it because I just couldn’t do it anymore.
So, when the Holy Spirit whispered, “end the chapter“, it didn’t take much convincing for me to lay down my sword, surrender my armor, and step off of the battlefield of pretenses for the promised land that awaited me.
And so… here we are. My promised land. A new season of life is dawning, and I look forward with confident expectation!
Do you ever feel prompted by the Holy Spirit? Have you obeyed? Have you not?